Motormanmark.com

Jump to Comments

Living Poor 1.01 – Secrets to Getting Along on Squat

 

Lost your job?  Cut in pay?  Dark clouds on the horizon?  Or maybe your family, like mine, just wants to afford to have a homemaker–to survive on one salary.  I’m going to tell you the things I know that can help you to get along on just a little money.

 

·        Move to the city. The city has precious resources–employment opportunities, libraries, higher pay rates, cultural events….  Unless you have an independent source of income that makes the cheap rent of rural life irresistible, you really need to move as close to a city as you can get.  But, by far, the main reason you need to move to the city is because the city offers distinguished service professionals like myself who chauffer you around very cheaply in various modes of PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, and that will allow you to make the best single money-saving move there is:

·        Sell your car.  Car payments, insurance, auto repair, registration, gasoline… just add it up.  Driving a car is not only ecologically unfriendly, but it’s a real drain for your finances.  Craig’s Listing your car will free up all that money, plus give you a cash bonus of the sales price.  I realize in some towns/occupations you really need a car to survive, but if there is some way to swing it, take this step.   Then, buy a sturdy mountain bike. –And: more drastic to some than selling your car…

·        Cut the cable.  Well, don’t cut the cable if it hooks you into Motormanmark.com on the internet, but you don’t need television.  The most resistant to this option are the sports fanatics.  In my younger years, I spent many hundreds of wasted hours watching all varieties of sports, but it’s over now.  I am a free man.  Once you’ve seen a few hundred guys chuck a last-second three-point play to attempt to save a dramatic game, can’t it all just be seen as rerun?  Why, tell me, why, do you need to keep watching basketball for the rest of your freaking life?  Stop arguing and try it.  Just make the call and cancel.  You will find after a trial period that you will be wondering where on Earth you ever found the time to veg out in front of a season’s worth of Yankees games.  As for you lovers of television shows: the public library has loads of DVD’s to choose from (read my article about intellectual property to learn how to burn copyrighted DVD’s,) broadcast TV is now digital (which means with a cheap, government financed converter box it looks as good as cable,) and the internet is becoming a booming source for video (ie: Hulu.com, MSNBC.com, NBC.com, Thepiratebay.org, etc…)  Of course, you do need an internet connection, which, if you are not so lucky as to have a neighbor’s router to hook into with a wireless card, will cost you a monthly charge, and I would say you DO need a good, speedy computer set-up, but that’s a one-time expense that pays off for years.  Don’t sweat one-time expenses.  It’s those monthly bills you’ve got to nix.  The best ones of those to nix, of course, are the credit card bills.  As for them (don’t tell anyone I told you this,) but:

·        Go bankrupt.  Yes, if you can’t pay your bills, and you can’t get any more credit, and all your cards are maxed out, it is time to go bankrupt (known as “Chapter 7″) before you pay another bill.  To go bankrupt, it should be noted, you need a lot of debt.  There’s enough info to be found online to see if you’d qualify.  If not, you can file or a kind of junior bankruptcy, known as Chapter 11.  Don’t let creditors bother you.  When their little lackeys call your house, just say “I don’t owe that and don’t call here again,” and hang up.  If they call again, they are breaking the law.  You can then tell them you are taping the phone call, repeat the statement and hang up again.  (DO NOT listen to a word of what they say.)  Oh, I hear the caterwauling cries of anger from all those responsible types.  But, really, with all the public moolah we are shoveling to pay off private debt in the current economic meltdown (see my recent blog about the big-bang stimulus,) if you don’t understand that all property is theft at this point, just answer me this: There’s a guy in the Chinese restaurant down the street from me who makes sub-minimum wage.  He works about as hard as any Chinese guy working in any Chinese restaurant–you know: he comes in about 8 am, leaves about 11 at night, and, in-between, he pretty much hustles like a gerbil in a wheel.  You think you worked harder than him this week??  Nah.  You think over the course of your life you strained or suffered even half as much as that poor guy?  Not a chance.  There is no meritocracy dividing up the wealth of the world.  It is done by exerting power you inherited. –Where was I, though?  Yes, you might not want to go bankrupt if you are looking to become an FBI agent some day.  And there are other types of employment that would scrutinize your bankruptcy, but they’ll also be the type of employer to hold your credit score against you.  So, as long as you’re in the swim already, no reason not to fish yourself out.  Bankruptcy is not difficult to pull off–if you have a knack for things legal, you can even do it yourself.  All the info is there for you online.  Car rentals, automatic payments, online ordering, Paypal, groceries… everything can be done with a debit card nowadays.  And all your bills and debt will go away (except for child support and student loans,) and, you can start fresh.  A good place to start is with an extra income stream…

·        Declare a home business on your taxes.  You know why so many rich people own businesses?  Business loss is deductible!  Fill out a Schedule C on your 1040 tax form to declare a home business, and if you can claim a loss, you may find you can save a bundle (you can even deduct for the portion of your home you use solely for your business.)  But you can save some money right now, too.  This very instant.  Just…

·        Turn off the AC/heater.  Air conditioners and heaters are incredible money drainers.  Then apply for LIHEAP, a government program that gives poor people money for energy savings.  If you’re eligible, that could free you up some serious bucks.  Your money is better spent on…

·        Food!  Before you do anything, check if you’re eligible for Food Stamps (now called “SNAP.”)  You might think you’re not, but Food Stamps have easier eligibility requirements than some might imagine.  I have a close friend who gets Food Stamps, and they really are the key to her ability to survive.  They even have a new program that allows her to shop at farmer’s markets.  That’s the place to go, too.  You eat a healthy diet, and I guarantee you, you can find ways to save lots.  I’m not talking about nutrition bars and power shake powders.  I’m talking about potatoes and bananas and carrots and chicken, as opposed to Hamburger Helper and cold cut sandwiches.  Maybe you don’t like fresh veggies as much as you like sausages and fries.  Maybe you are not looking to live past seventy.  The enjoyment of fried food and pig meat and ice cream is worth heaving twenty years off your life.  No.  Trust Motormanmark–would I lie to you?  I used to eat hot dogs on white Kaiser rolls with cheddar cheese and mustard for dinner.  Know what I eat now?  Tilapia, rice and beans (my honey’s Latina,) and asparagus–but never before consuming my giant bowl o’ romaine lettuce and olive oil.  This super-healthy living is for you just a few acquired tastes away.  It takes a change of lifestyle.  Eat salad for a month and you’ll never go back.  Also–eating out is a quick financial drain. We do lots of picnicking.  There’s no better place to eat dinner than out of a basket on the art museum steps.  Don’t buy the kids juice and soda.  OJ in the morning, yes!  Lots of good stuff in orange juice.  But it is not a healthy choice to be pouring sugar water into them all day.  Get used to sending them to the tap.  Oh, and, there’s a great fruit stand by my place that sells big batches of bruised fruit and veggies for a buck a pop.  I lug home a cartload of it, spend an hour or so cutting it all up, and I fill the freezer and the fridge with goodies that are deliciously ripe.  Big pot of tomato sauce.  Yum!  And, hey, you can order out every now and then or even go to a restaurant from time to time.  I am only saying if you do, first you must…

·        Udgetbay!  Yes, I wrote the word “budget” here in Pig Latin because I didn’t want your eyes to glaze over.  Always get a receipt, and always copy down your expenses when you empty out your pockets at the end of the day.  Your budget should begin with a group of monthly expenses that don’t change.  Then, what follows is the amounts allotted for everything else, and there’s plenty you are not thinking of.  Here’s a sample budget to printout in Word form.  Every month you change the month name and save to a new file.  Print out the file and then write down your expenses as you spend.  Of course, you must balance the books each month.  It takes quite a few months before you’ll have a sense of your real financial state.  Yes, I know.  You can try many times, and budgeting just doesn’t happen.  Keep trying, and, more than anything else…

·        Simplify!  It is difficult to budget when you walk around spending money here and there and everywhere.  Stop spending so much money.  Don’t spend money because you feel like you must to go along with others.  I have a brother who used to blow money.  I spent many awkward moments excusing myself out of restaurants he wanted to visit and such, but it was a skill much the same as you develop when you as a new parent learn to reject the plans of other parents or family that you don’t think are best for your kids.  You need to learn to turn and walk.  You are in a store and there is something you tell yourself you need.  Ask yourself, “Would Gandhi buy that??”  Just turn and walk. Assure yourself that you’ll feel good half a block later–really good. And get rid of all your junk by… 

·        Listing on Ebay–not buying, just listing.  And get in the habit of Ebaying junk the minute you are done with it.  Renting a storage space never, ever, ever makes sense.  This rule will never fail you: if you can buy it on Ebay and you aren’t using it, SELL it!  If ever you feel a sentimental regret for selling Grandma’s chintz, just log on and buy it from someone else.  Now, a savvy shopper can get fiendishly hooked onto Ebay as easily as they can save money there, so I’m going to say, yes, shop on Ebay, but, take it easy.  For every dollar you spend, try and earn two.  And if you do buy something, call it by its proper price: the price plus shipping!  The more buying and selling you do can confuse your budget, too, so I’d say put all your purchases on the budget, but keep your sales profits separate–just enter those profits under savings.  Don’t tell yourself, “That paid for that, so I don’t have to record this purchase.”  –You sell stuff as soon as you don’t need it not just to keep it from losing value, but so you don’t get cramped in your apartment and need to get a bigger one that you can’t afford.  That’s why one of your best poverty-living tools is…

·        Maximizing the space you have.  A smaller apartment is cheaper, but you need to know how to pull it off.  The best investment I ever made was a huge $2000 outlay for one of those “sleep-number” inflatable sleeper-sofas.  It feels luxurious when you’re sleeping, yet it disappears in the daytime.  As a result, my livingroom is my bedroom, but when it isn’t, it is a spacious livingroom.  And my real bedroom is a work room.  I spent much time studying my apartment, trying to devise space-saving methods.  The kids sleep on bunkbeds (of course,) and, for my oldest son, I have a loft, under which is his desk.  In the hallways, I’ve made shelves above the doorways, and I even converted what was a boarded-over dumbwaiter shaft into a pantry.  Always paint as close to white as you can.  Tints do plenty for atmosphere, but the moment you start darkening beyond a tint of white, you start closing in the atmosphere of the room.  Light is everything for a small space.  Mirrors, glass….  I had an IKEA wall unit storage space that looked appalling until I covered it with rolling white blinds–changes the space entirely (when I remember to roll down the blinds.)  And maximize that kitchen for space, too: jam those appliances right up against one another, make enough space for a table, even if it’s just a drop-leaf or convertible table or even just a drop-down counter with stools because a kitchen is an important place in your house to hang out.  If you allow your kitchen to be uninhabitable, you make the rest of the apartment that much smaller.  You need to maximize your space because you need to work to preserve the pleasures in your life.  (Otherwise, you might as well go out and work like a fiend for more money.)  Eventually, you want to get so comfortable with your finances that you can turn down overtime.  Go out and smell the roses.  And always…  

·        Plan your vacation.  No sense in being poor if you’re not going to have any fun.  Plan and save for at least a week’s vacation every year.  Cheap house rentals can be found online up in the mountains or near the beach.  Once, when we were really broke, we took a trip to a town very nearby, and booked a motel for a few nights, even though the town was notable for absolutely nothing.  Still, we were busy the entire time.  We went bowling, ate out at some family restaurants, treated ourselves to Starbucks in the mall…. And so you don’t forget the best stuff…

·        Keep a calendar.  Whenever you discover an annual flea market or fun public event that doesn’t cost much, note it in a yearly calendar or organizer.  The next year, it’ll be an option for that month.  As the years go on, you’ll have more and more fun things to look forward to.  Keep track of changing exhibits at museums and off-Broadway theater.  Sometimes you can get local theater tickets cheaper than movie tickets; and live theater, even in a college, beats the movies any day.  Some fun can be costly, though, so…

·        Stay out of the stock market.  No one is an expert at investing, because there are no laws to predict something that is random at its core.  Buy CD’s.  And do NOT buy lottery tickets.  Just forget all about them.  Oh, and if you go to the mall or Fun Town USA or (especially!) the casino or some other place where you’re not sure how much you’ll spend, leave the plastic home and put the cash you’ve got budgeted for the trip in your pocket.  It’s a lot easier to keep from doing something if you can’t do it.  Which brings me to what you really should know already:

·        Stop smoking.  What an incredibly irresponsible drain of your finances, right?  Having previously been a smoker, and hooked as bad as any heroin addict, believe me, I know how hard it is to quit.  So, let’s see, what can you do?  Certainly try the patch or gum.  If you have someone very close to you to share the experience with, work with them, but you must both never break the rule that it is strictly forbidden to discuss the pain of withdrawal or the topic of cigarettes at all–even if indirectly–during quitting (for fear that you will talk one another into allowing a little breakdown.)  Or, if need be, take a month-long hike into the woods.  You can’t get smokes there. 

 

And that’s it for Motormanmark’s Happy Tips on Saving Moolah.  I hope I have given you some small bit of money-saving inspiration.  As always, I welcome comments and your own suggestions. 

 

–Oh, but hold the boat.  I forgot this gem of a tip, my last–but certainly not least–tip on how to be broke just like Motormanmark:  Make your own baby wipes!